Wandering in my mind

I am going in circles. Summer holidays are fast approaching and I hate trying to plan anything without all the information. DH wants to go to a fishing tournament in Saskatchewan, likely the one in July. But his going will depend on if I have to have surgery on my throat to remove the remaining cancer cells. So next week I have to go for another PET scan and to sign consent forms for another biopsy, which may happen on the 25th of this month. The results will decide if surgery is needed and then a date will be selected. In the meantime, the youngest DD is looking over the camp schedule and trying to pick a week to go and I want to pick a week to take the kids and run off to my mom’s and the oldest DD will have to ask for that week off from her summer job. If DH goes to the tournament, we can spend a few days at the lake with him and then go on to Manitoba to visit mom, but he won’t know if he is going until I know if I am having surgery. And if I have surgery, will I be okay to travel? And the circle just keeps whirling and I know less every time the carousel goes around.

About the only fact I have is that DH and I are adults. There is definite proof of this. For example, our fridge contains more food than beer. And our houseplants survive, and none of them can be smoked. This means we have to make our own decisions and without information and details, we can’t decide on a single thing. What is becoming more and more apparent to me is that I need a break. I need to stay in the bedroom I grew up in and be called when dinner is ready and my biggest decision is what to wear.

I want my mommy.